My Africa

On the plane from Washington DC to Zurich I wrote this : "It's actually happening. I'm going home. I'm going back to Africa. I'm going to get to hold orphans, teach VBS, and be filled with joy. I'm not trying to have any expectations. I just want to go, love, change, and be changed. I have no idea what experiences I'll have or how God will use me or others. But instead of getting paranoid about the unknown, I can trust God. I really don't know why God has me on this trip, but He definitely made it clear that I need to be here.I mean a free trip to Africa, really God? How? So here i sit , in a plane about to land in Zurich, Switzerland and I just have to stand in amazement (well actually sit in an uncomfortable airplane chair) I think it could all hit me that I'm on my way to kenya, but definitely not yet. I'm so beyond blessed to go to Africa! Again! I'm also extremely blessed to soon be eating Swiss chocolate in the Zurich airport :) "

We got to the orphanage after some crazy African driving and found 23 beautiful orphans just waiting to love us.

This is Vivian. She is ten years old. Her shining  personality could light up the darkest place. She sings beautifully, and is just a vibrant, loving, beautiful girl.

This is Margaret. She is a really funny girl. She does this think with her eyebrows by moving them up and down quickly, I tried to copy it, but I could never be as coordinated or fast as her.

This is Emily. A true worshiper. The sweetest girl. A beautiful child of God.

This is Margaret. She is normally the lead singer at the orphanage and has such a huge heart. I loved hearing her worship. She often said "God bless you", it made my heart happy everytime she said that.

This is Dennis. A little bundle of joy. He is so smart and knew so many answers to Bible questions. I will not be surprised if he becomes a pastor someday.

This is lovely Alice. A sweetheart who loves Jesus. I love this girl. She is a beautiful child of God.

This is John, my precious John. I love him so much and I wish he was my little brother. I miss him.

This is Sarah! A very tall and even more beautiful woman of God! I bonded with her a lot. I remember weeping into eachothers shoulders the day we said goodbye.

Oh, please pray for Lucy. I don't have a good picture of her, but she has HIV. She is a beautiful, fun girl who loves Jesus. Please pray she gets healed.

These were only a few of the kids I met and they all have sad stories, but their faith is amazing. Watching them pray was incredible. I wish I could go back, but since I can't, I get to pray for them. These kids are getting evicted from their 2 bedroom home soon. The people who went with me and I are trying to help raise enough money to build them a home. It may seem impossible, but "I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. And I believe with God we can raise the money needed. If you prayerfully or financially want to support these kids and this orphanage, talk to me. If you want to hear stories about these kids pasts and how they live for God despite it, talk to me. Kenya changed my life and I can really talk for days about it. Please remember these faces, I certainly will never forget them.

I'm Scared

I'm going to be honest I'm scared.
I'm leaving for Africa in about 14 hours and I'm scared out of my mind.
No, I'm not scared that I'm going to get mugged, die in a plane crash, get eaten by a cannibalistic tribe, or die by some mysterious African wildlife, I'm not scared of that at all.

 I'm scared I'm going to fall in love...again.
I'm scared I'm going to see the faces of African orphans, smell the overwhelming scent of B.O., see the poverty, the dirt roads, the herds of animals, and fall in love with Africa all over again. I'm scared i'm going to have intense conversations with people I will never see again. I'm scared of seeing people starving, with aids, and being abused, and never know how they are doing, and never see or hear from them again. I'm scared of falling in love with that little orphan with the hugest smile in the world, whose parents died from aids, but has more hope than a person could ever have. I'm scared of falling in love with the overworked child worker caring for children who are not her own, because hers have died, and watching her worship God with everything she has.

This is Viola, I met her in Uganda and I fell in love with her. She is a beautiful, amazing, loving young girl who I think about all the time. But I have no idea where she is now or how she is doing.

 All these faces have stories. They all have lives. I'm scared of loving Africa. I really feel like Africa is my home. I know it is. So, having to leave it will be so hard. I remember after Uganda, I cried for months, because all I wanted to do was go home and check on my kids. I have to admit, I have fallen for this adorable children.

I know that I'm blessed to go to Africa again. I'm so excited and so ready and so scared. When I got back from Uganda here's some of my journal:

 July 31st, 2010 (a day after I got back)
I want to go home. Busia, Uganda is my home. It's my place with my kids, It's my home. I miss mud huts and dirty roads, I miss children screaming and crying. I miss my team loving on me.

I miss belonging.
I miss Susan, Viola, Victor, Wilburforce, Rose, and so many other faces.
How can I cope in Americas comfortable society?
I miss being woken up at 5:30 in the morning...how will I sleep now?
I WANT TO GO HOME!

 I remember the longing for home, the unrest in not finding it here. But I know I have to get over this. The scared feeling of meeting people, loving and them, and going home wondering about them and wanting to be with them. God has given me a heart for Africa and I have to follow that even if I know it means emotional pain.

I know i'm only going for a week. That's not even that long, but once I get there I will be reminded of my love for this continent, of God's love for this continent.                                                                  

I'm scared of coming home and people giving me weird looks and saying "It was only a week" I'm scared of people not understanding my heart, love, pain, and longing for Africa.
   
  But I do know this, God is not a God of fear. He is a God of power. And when my emotions get too much, God's there for me every step of                  .                                                  the way. And even better, He's there for these orphans when I leave. He's there to protect, love, and comfort them. And maybe all I can do is go to Africa for a week, pray for them, and sponsor them, but God, He can do and He did so much more for them. He died for them, He came back to life for  them, He saved them. In these faces and hearts, God has given hope, so I don't need to be scared for these orphans or for me, because God loves us all.