My Africa

On the plane from Washington DC to Zurich I wrote this : "It's actually happening. I'm going home. I'm going back to Africa. I'm going to get to hold orphans, teach VBS, and be filled with joy. I'm not trying to have any expectations. I just want to go, love, change, and be changed. I have no idea what experiences I'll have or how God will use me or others. But instead of getting paranoid about the unknown, I can trust God. I really don't know why God has me on this trip, but He definitely made it clear that I need to be here.I mean a free trip to Africa, really God? How? So here i sit , in a plane about to land in Zurich, Switzerland and I just have to stand in amazement (well actually sit in an uncomfortable airplane chair) I think it could all hit me that I'm on my way to kenya, but definitely not yet. I'm so beyond blessed to go to Africa! Again! I'm also extremely blessed to soon be eating Swiss chocolate in the Zurich airport :) "

We got to the orphanage after some crazy African driving and found 23 beautiful orphans just waiting to love us.

This is Vivian. She is ten years old. Her shining  personality could light up the darkest place. She sings beautifully, and is just a vibrant, loving, beautiful girl.

This is Margaret. She is a really funny girl. She does this think with her eyebrows by moving them up and down quickly, I tried to copy it, but I could never be as coordinated or fast as her.

This is Emily. A true worshiper. The sweetest girl. A beautiful child of God.

This is Margaret. She is normally the lead singer at the orphanage and has such a huge heart. I loved hearing her worship. She often said "God bless you", it made my heart happy everytime she said that.

This is Dennis. A little bundle of joy. He is so smart and knew so many answers to Bible questions. I will not be surprised if he becomes a pastor someday.

This is lovely Alice. A sweetheart who loves Jesus. I love this girl. She is a beautiful child of God.

This is John, my precious John. I love him so much and I wish he was my little brother. I miss him.

This is Sarah! A very tall and even more beautiful woman of God! I bonded with her a lot. I remember weeping into eachothers shoulders the day we said goodbye.

Oh, please pray for Lucy. I don't have a good picture of her, but she has HIV. She is a beautiful, fun girl who loves Jesus. Please pray she gets healed.

These were only a few of the kids I met and they all have sad stories, but their faith is amazing. Watching them pray was incredible. I wish I could go back, but since I can't, I get to pray for them. These kids are getting evicted from their 2 bedroom home soon. The people who went with me and I are trying to help raise enough money to build them a home. It may seem impossible, but "I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. And I believe with God we can raise the money needed. If you prayerfully or financially want to support these kids and this orphanage, talk to me. If you want to hear stories about these kids pasts and how they live for God despite it, talk to me. Kenya changed my life and I can really talk for days about it. Please remember these faces, I certainly will never forget them.

I'm Scared

I'm going to be honest I'm scared.
I'm leaving for Africa in about 14 hours and I'm scared out of my mind.
No, I'm not scared that I'm going to get mugged, die in a plane crash, get eaten by a cannibalistic tribe, or die by some mysterious African wildlife, I'm not scared of that at all.

 I'm scared I'm going to fall in love...again.
I'm scared I'm going to see the faces of African orphans, smell the overwhelming scent of B.O., see the poverty, the dirt roads, the herds of animals, and fall in love with Africa all over again. I'm scared i'm going to have intense conversations with people I will never see again. I'm scared of seeing people starving, with aids, and being abused, and never know how they are doing, and never see or hear from them again. I'm scared of falling in love with that little orphan with the hugest smile in the world, whose parents died from aids, but has more hope than a person could ever have. I'm scared of falling in love with the overworked child worker caring for children who are not her own, because hers have died, and watching her worship God with everything she has.

This is Viola, I met her in Uganda and I fell in love with her. She is a beautiful, amazing, loving young girl who I think about all the time. But I have no idea where she is now or how she is doing.

 All these faces have stories. They all have lives. I'm scared of loving Africa. I really feel like Africa is my home. I know it is. So, having to leave it will be so hard. I remember after Uganda, I cried for months, because all I wanted to do was go home and check on my kids. I have to admit, I have fallen for this adorable children.

I know that I'm blessed to go to Africa again. I'm so excited and so ready and so scared. When I got back from Uganda here's some of my journal:

 July 31st, 2010 (a day after I got back)
I want to go home. Busia, Uganda is my home. It's my place with my kids, It's my home. I miss mud huts and dirty roads, I miss children screaming and crying. I miss my team loving on me.

I miss belonging.
I miss Susan, Viola, Victor, Wilburforce, Rose, and so many other faces.
How can I cope in Americas comfortable society?
I miss being woken up at 5:30 in the morning...how will I sleep now?
I WANT TO GO HOME!

 I remember the longing for home, the unrest in not finding it here. But I know I have to get over this. The scared feeling of meeting people, loving and them, and going home wondering about them and wanting to be with them. God has given me a heart for Africa and I have to follow that even if I know it means emotional pain.

I know i'm only going for a week. That's not even that long, but once I get there I will be reminded of my love for this continent, of God's love for this continent.                                                                  

I'm scared of coming home and people giving me weird looks and saying "It was only a week" I'm scared of people not understanding my heart, love, pain, and longing for Africa.
   
  But I do know this, God is not a God of fear. He is a God of power. And when my emotions get too much, God's there for me every step of                  .                                                  the way. And even better, He's there for these orphans when I leave. He's there to protect, love, and comfort them. And maybe all I can do is go to Africa for a week, pray for them, and sponsor them, but God, He can do and He did so much more for them. He died for them, He came back to life for  them, He saved them. In these faces and hearts, God has given hope, so I don't need to be scared for these orphans or for me, because God loves us all.

Where My Scattered Brain and God's Mercy Somehow Collide

So, a while back I was asked to speak with a few other friends about missions in front of a lot of ladies at a tea thing. I procrastinated, was hesitant, but this is the jist of  what I ended up sharing. Although I was nervous, forgot Bible verses, and said teenagerish things, I think God really was with me that night and spoke through me. Yay God :)

Hi! For those who don’t know me, my name is Abigail Clark. I’ve traveled to Mexico, Israel, and Uganda on mission trips. God has given me a huge heart for missions and has blessed me with amazing opportunities. God has revealed to me a glimpse of His beauty, His truths, and who He is through my mission experiences. Through the diligent work of a pastor, tears of a widow, and hugs of orphans, God has given and shown me the reality of faith. This verse has come alive to me, James 1:27 “Pure and undefiled religion unto the father is this; to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”

Sometimes in our modern day American society, we seldom think about anything other than our own feelings and problems. I’m definitely included in this category of a selfish entitled American. However, I seek to broaden my view of what’s important, as I hope we all do. Going to 3^rd world countries has shown me that the world is bigger than me, bigger than America, bigger and more troubled than I ever thought. As I saw those in need, I felt a little of God’s heart pushing me towards the poor and brokenhearted. I am usually too preoccupied with my Subway and Starbucks, to ever think of these shocking statistics.

Food

·         Every year, 15 million children a year die of hunger

·         1/3 of the world is well-fed, 1/3 is underfed, and 1/3 is starving

·         The U.S. population will spend 58 million dollars on food that will eventually be thrown out, while only 3 million will be spent on global food aid.

·         One child dies every 6 seconds because or hunger and related causes

·         10.9 children in developing countries die every year before the age of 5

Water is something we all take for granted, but it’s so hard to come by for some.

·         Some 1.1 million people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, while 2.2 billion lack basic sanitation.

·         43% of Sub-Saharan Africa do not have access to safe, clean drinking water. In America, bottled water is an 8.3 billion dollar industry because tap water isn’t good enough for us.

·         1.8 billion people who have access to a water source within 1 kilometer, consume about 20 liters per day. In well off countries, the average person uses 50 liters of water a day flushing toilets. 

·         Dirty water and poor sanitation account for the vast majority of 1.8 million child deaths each year from diarrhea- almost 5,000 every day-making it the second largest cause of child mortality.

Education is a given in America, but not for others.

·         More than 170 million children are out of school

·         Nearly 1 billion people entered the 21^st century with an inability to read a book or sign their name.

·         1/3 of all children do not complete 5 years of schooling-the minimum needed for basic literacy skills.

·         2/3 of the world’s 875 million illiterate, are women.

·         Children who do not attend school, contribute to 2 million people enslaved in global sex slave trade.

·         Inability to stay in school is the leading cause of HIV infected women

I’m not trying to guilt you into charity, not at all. I just want to talk about the reality of what’s happening and how we are usually oblivious of it. Going to Africa and seeing these statistics in action was so hard for me to swallow. I often have forgotten about these people, the poor.

My Connection With the Poor:

When I was in Africa, I led a small group of 4^th grade girls who were not doing well in school. Two other girls and I talked to these girls about their home life, their food, their past. All these girls had lost their parents to aids, all of them had an illness of some kind, and all of them had been physically or sexually abused. My heart immediately broke for these precious girls. These daughters of God. I could see their hurt, see their pain, and I just wanted to do something for them. As we kept talking, one girl looks visibly upset and we asked her what was wrong, and then she burst out weeping about the death of her mother. As we all laid hands over her and prayed for her, I saw the brokenness and vulnerability this girl displayed. As we were all tearful, I wished I could bring this girl a mother, food, a bed.

Jesus Connection with the Poor:

But then I remembered God, has not forgotten the poor. He has not forgotten that young hurt child.  All over scripture we read that God is close to the brokenhearted. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 “He heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3  God is the rock and only source of life for everyone, even the hurting.My personal favorite verse that displays God’s connection to the poor is, Psalm 68:5 “A father to the fatherless, a defender of the widows, is God in His Holy habitation.” This is Christ’s heart. God is the father that precious little girl needs, the defender of her and her family.

I have come to realize my compassion can only go so far. I am conditional even when caring for the sick, poor, widowed, and lost people. But God, He does not get weary. Everyone knows the verse, John 3:16 “For God so loved the World that he gave His one and only son that whosoever believes in Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life.” This is the truth God proclaims. This is for the lost, the broken, the hurting, the hungry, this verse speaks to us.

Although God is that father and that defender that the poor need, He also sent us to go.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and of the Holy Spirit. And teaching them to obey everything I commanded. And surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28: 19-20. God tells us we must go and make disciples, whether that’s with the lost in Africa, or in Chico, He calls us to missional living. Jesus said, “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up His cross daily, and follow me.” Luke 9:23. God calls us to be selfless, to deny ourselves, and to be willing to do anything for Christ.

In Africa I wanted to be selfless, to love the hurt with God’s love. To lay down my life for my God is what I wanted to do. As I tried doing it in my own strength, I failed. I would get too distracted by my uncomfortable surroundings, my personal insecurities, and how I felt helpless. But God gave me the strength to surrender. He spoke through me as I lead 4^th graders to Christ. He was the one who taught me how to live selflessly.

Sometimes, I think we get so wrapped up in what we have to do, how we’re supposed to act, how we’re supposed to love, we forget walking with God will get us there. I mean that if we’re close with God, He will show us and teach us how to walk, live, and be that selfless missionary.

God has a heart for the broken, the lost, the hungry. And He has called us to a selfless life. A life of ministering to whoever is around us nomatter what the cost. However, although fulfilling physical needs of the poor and lost are important, sharing the gospel is really the most important thing I can give them. In Africa I played with the children, tried to pick up some Swahili, did the hokey pokey, however, sharing the Gospel is what I was there to do. I was there to be Jesus to the orphans in Uganda.

Jesus coming to earth, living as a man, dying on the cross, rising again, this is the ultimate mission example, this is the gospel. And as much as I feed and clothe the orphans I meet, the gospel is the greatest gift I could give them.

I want to focus on the last part of the great commission, Jesus says “And surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” In our lives, God is with us. When we share the gospel, God is with us. When I do the hokeypokey with orphans in Uganda, God is with me, when I teach Sunday School here, God is with me. We shouldn’t be afraid of God’s call to live missionally. We shouldn’t be scared of the unknown. In the scripture, God always says “Do not be afraid.”

So I ask you tonight to please not be afraid. Do not be afraid to open your eyes to the poor. Do not be afraid to selflessly proclaim your faith to people in your community. Do not be afraid to follow God wherever He takes you or keeps you. God’s near to the brokenhearted, God’s near to us, don’t push Him away. 

Why Do I Go?

"WHY?" I ask myself. "why do I drag myself out of bed, go to work, go to school, take a Saturday class, take a night class, miss out on possible fun, sleep, and chilling? Why am I an overachiever? Why do I care so much about grades, teachers, classmates, school? I'm not extremely smart, or one of thsoe kids who just loves school, then why do I go?"

I'm trying to firgure this out. Yes, I go in part to please my parents. They have done and do so much for me that the least I could do is be successful in what I can.

And, I realize I go to work and school to further my dreams, to advance my skills, to get where I think I need to be. My classes get me work, my work gets me money, and my money gets me stuff, but I think that's not enough motivation for me to go to work and school, there must be another reason.

Maybe it's because I feel fulfilled when I get that A(or semi-fulfilled when I get a B lol). Maybe it's because at my job I just get to comfort and support children every day. Maybe I enjoy learning. Maybe not. Maybe it's cultural expectations. But, you know, even though I hate waking up early, riding on a bus, doing massive amounts of studying, I think I like school and work. I like things where I can learn to excel, fail, and that test and strengthens me. The character both school and work instills in me is really important. Perserverence, dilligence to get what you want, and communication, I have learned primarily from work and school.

So, although I am a normal teenager in the sense I would rather be chilling, sleeping, and being crazy with friends, rather than go to school and work. I realize it is vital for me to fill my time with these two necessary things. Besides, who knows how much trouble I would get into if I didn't have work and school to occupy my time? haha

Journey

I think it's funny how I'm learning that for me life is not about the end, it's about the process.

I want to work with young kids. I want a husband one day. I want to be successful. I want to live in Africa.

These are all goals and maybe one day i'll achieve them,but, it's the process of getting to them in where the enjoyment lies. It's the education of being a teacher, it's seeing Africa for the first time and falling in love with it, it's getting burned by guys so I want that good guy even more. It's all the process.

It's me failing my drivers test, bombing an presentation, not getting the job, learning when to let go, learning how to move on that makes me learn how to be strong, laugh at myself, and cope with life. Eventually maybe I'll be that successful independent woman with a hot husband by my side teaching kids in Africa, or maybe not, but I'm trying to take in the process of everything.

Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the end goal. That we forget to live in the NOW. What if this is it? Would I be content?

I have no clue where I'll end up in life, but I'm sure it'll be a crazy process getting there. And you know what's funny? I have a hunch this process never ends.

When It Hits

Don't you love when it hits? All of it.

Life, boys,family, school comes crashing down on you. I have a good life, but still I have those moments when it hits. Those moments where you hurt. Those moments where everything is overwhelming and you don't know what you're doing. Where the past comes to haunt you. It all hits.

It punches, it kicks, it makes you cry, scream, hate, love, laugh.Like an ninja it sneaks up on you and pulls a move you never saw coming.

I'm not trying to be overly dramatic. I love my life and i'm so blessed. There are a lot of people with much bigger problems than me, but it still hits.

Those moments where you're so unsure of your future, past, present. Where you're headed, where you are, or if you're in reverse.

I think it's these moments I have nowhere to turn to except God. He's there, waiting.

So, now the moment has passed, the tears are fading away, and I'll just live my happy life again. But who knows when that ninja is gonna attack?

"But the Salvation of righteousness is of the Lord: He is their strength in time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him." Psalm 37:39-40

Also, my parents surprised me with a car. A 1992 Toyota Camry :) I love them so much!!!!! See, my life is blessed :)

I just wanna go back

I know I would feel this way after going to Mexico for a week, but I didn't know I'd want to go back this bad. Last week I had SO MUCH fun and made SO MANY new friends, it's weird to just live as an individual and not in a group anymore.

I thrive in camp-like settings. I love having people around me, having my time scheduled for me, and doing productive stuff with strangers. I miss waking up in a cold sleeping bag, I miss hugging so many people every day, I miss laughing so much.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life in Chico. I have a great life, but I really miss the feeling of community I felt on the Mexico trip. Ahhh, friends, I miss you!!!

Completely unrelated quote: ""Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." Victor Hugo